Shattered Dreams

I'm alone in my room
The music is blasting
All I hear is my heart
The regular beat should steady me
It only frightens me
I look on the table
A knife, some foils, a cigarette and a lighter
What will it be today?
I'm left with the mistakes
Haunting my every move
How could I have fucked up so bad again?
I think about the promises I've made
A tear falls
Why did I let myself fall into this?
My mind drifts away
Leaving me there, alone again
Searching for a happy memory
Something to pull me out of this
I'm so scared
Instead of happiness
My thoughts move to suicide
Who needs me anyway?
They’re better of without me
A sip of water
The capsules are gone
Slowly a cool blade slides on my skin
I see the blood and smile
Holding a screw over the open flame
Press it against me feeling the burn
I cry…tomorrow it starts again

Sick of life